you asked me to lick your eye once 

and I did 

I think about it  

when it’s raining 

the taste of rain 

has a hint of aqueous humor 

a little slimy 

a splash of salt 

I don’t think ill ever forget 

the day you called me 

crying 

hit by a car and 

you still remembered my name 

you called me slurs 

whispered them to me like sweet nothings 

i was too young to know better

it felt like the love they tell you about 

in storybooks written by men 

men craving children

I was six 

when they bruised my inner thigh 

I never told anyone how 

or why 

so sometimes remembering 

when you asked me to lick your eye

I forget that bruise they gave me 

and feel okay for a little while

I was nineteen when he pressed concrete into my face 

a crowd cheered above me

metal taste in my mouth 

it was warm

air thick

I remember my hair sticking to me

as I stumbled home 

I still chuckle when 

I think about asking you to lick my eye too 

your grin, teeth bright white 

like the moon on the darkest night 

fog rolls in and suddenly I’m twenty three 

I trusted her, she was a friend 

she gave me some medicine 

she promised me it would take away some of the pain

from when I was six and nineteen 

a lie 

a single strike 

between the eyes,

brain matter 

blood 

dripping onto my tongue 

like copper 

the ache

punishing 

two bodies surrounding me 

crushing me

unfamiliar and familiar 

I thought I knew her

I guess I didn’t

a door slams 

the crack in the concrete ceiling

dividing further 

I wait for it  

every crumble bringing me closer 

I remember crawling to the bathtub 

where I found myself 

in the cold 

in the dark 

body bruised, porcelain feeling closer to a bed of glass 

I asked for a light

and that stupid memory of you licking my eye filled my brain

naked and possessed 

laughing maniacally 

I grab a blade 

this blood feels like rain 

you asked me to lick your eye once 

and I did